This is my first blog post, and i thought it wouldn't be the worst idea to tell a bit about my experience living with aspergers, just so you know a bit with what kind of person you are dealing here~ ♪
Alrighty, let's start, shall we?
While it’s usually in most peoples childhood they get a diagnosis for Asperger’s, i only got it not too long ago. But i can seriously say, ever since i have my diagnosis i feel a lot lighter as in
Adult Asperger still seems to be something not many people talk or know about.. so i decided to write a bit about myself, how i deal with having the /geek syndrome/ ..and how i manage to live a somewhat normal life on this /wrong planet/.
“Now i finally understand what’s /wrong/ with me”
[Please note, i only talk about myself and my own experience! I don’t say all people with the Asperger Syndrome are like that. Not at all! I know we’re all different. After all “I am not a category… I am me”]
First of all..
Though many seem to be, because we Aspies have the ability to focus on our interests 120%, and if someone with asperger's interest is something like science (just an example) they will do really well with it, i guess.
But my personal interests are rather towards music and words. Yes words. Ever since i’m small i love to play with words, write my own stories, write down song lyrics i love or my own.. i’m fascinated by the sound of some words or sentences and sometimes i just can just sit there for hours reading a dictionary.
I love music because of my love for words..music with nice lyrics, music i can relate to. When i was still in school i used to sit on my desk for hours to write down song lyrics i liked or i just filled whole pages with new words i learned and liked instead of doing my homework.
It also helps me to learn new languages, and i'm pretty damn good at remembering lines, music lyrics etc. If i do say so myself~
Not sure if this is weird.. but hey, i get this a lot. “May, you’re.. acting strange” And my answer usually is “It can’t be helped if people are all different from me.”
Just because i’m an Aspie doesn’t mean i’m a genius at maths.
I don’t even know where this comes from. Yes i get it, Einstein had Asperger's as well, and Bill Gates has it, so people with Asperger's definitely have to be a genius, right? Nah, not really.Though many seem to be, because we Aspies have the ability to focus on our interests 120%, and if someone with asperger's interest is something like science (just an example) they will do really well with it, i guess.
But my personal interests are rather towards music and words. Yes words. Ever since i’m small i love to play with words, write my own stories, write down song lyrics i love or my own.. i’m fascinated by the sound of some words or sentences and sometimes i just can just sit there for hours reading a dictionary.
I love music because of my love for words..music with nice lyrics, music i can relate to. When i was still in school i used to sit on my desk for hours to write down song lyrics i liked or i just filled whole pages with new words i learned and liked instead of doing my homework.
It also helps me to learn new languages, and i'm pretty damn good at remembering lines, music lyrics etc. If i do say so myself~
Not sure if this is weird.. but hey, i get this a lot. “May, you’re.. acting strange” And my answer usually is “It can’t be helped if people are all different from me.”
People also mostly think we aspies are cold and lack empathy.
Wrong again, we just have trouble to show this kind of stuff. Often we’re good with words but somehow if it comes to verbal communication.. we quite frankly tend to fail, or at least i do. We do have warm feeling towards others, sometimes we’re just bad at showing it.Are there many problems if you live on the /wrong planet/?
There are but we learn to deal with them when we’re older—For example, when i was still a kid in school i was often depressed and didn’t understand why i wouldn’t fit in anywhere and why i was the only one who seems to have trouble making friends.
I remember, my teacher at school even scolded me for not having any friends and always being alone. That led to me sometimes acting as if i was sick so i didn’t have to go to school where i had to try my best not to seem /too weird/.
I never told anyone, wouldn’t even admit to myself that i didn’t have friends and sometimes i used to go to quiet places and spend my time alone there to tell my mama later i met some friends or even lied to myself in my diary about how many friends i have.
Can aspies even have a relationship with “normal people” or fall in love?
This really depends because also we aspies are all different from one another.In my case, i can fall in love and i can have relationships but it rather troubles me. Usually because i can’t give back what i get. I still enjoy to be alone after all and it’s hard to find a significant other who understands if you don’t want to see them for weeks and rather be alone..or someone who doesn’t get pissed if you don’t want to be touched without knowing the reason yourself ..why you don’t like this kind of skinship now.
I heard many aspies are super clingy though. I guess i’m not at all. Or maybe i am but i still rather have my time alone and my distance.. i’m not even sure.
There’s something i realized in my past and after many failed relationships though: I enjoy the one sided love, the one where i can be the one being in love without getting anything back. It’s easier just to have a crush than being in a relationship because no one will expect me to be the “perfect girlfriend” i never could be.
How about work..
Like many other people with asperger's i know, i tend to quit many jobs and find a new one if i get too overwhelmed with the work i do, or more the team i’m working with makes it hard for me to stay. I did some works for a few years in a row but it never made me fully happy. Lately i've been working with graphic design for and for once it is something i actually enjoy, but there are still days i rather want to hide in a hole than going to work.It’s this kind of feeling i’m unable to describe when my anxiety hits me for no real reason and i need to push myself to get up and move my butt to work. However i learned to deal with this also and usually bring myself to go to work..at the end of the day i will think “Well this wasn’t so hard now, actually”
Are we aspies really bad at social interactions?
Yes. Well at least i am! I used to deal with many problems because of my troubles to communicate properly in the past. It took a pretty damn long time that i sort of figured out how to deal with some social situations. Rather than having it naturally i learned from watching how to communicate and interact with others.It took me years to learn looking other people in the eyes while talking to them and i still don’t feel comfortable doing it..but it sorta works.
I don’t enjoy it to be in situations i need to show my social side, but i also don’t fail at it that badly anymore. After all what i enjoy the most is being alone. Doing something by myself that makes me feel at ease. I love communicating though, but rather when it’s online.. since like i said before i’m better with nonverbal communication and i love to meet new people, especially if we share some interests.
So never be afraid to approach me anyway. I’m nice, i swear!
So this was it for now, just a short.. or not so short summary. I might get into depth more about some of these things written here in extra blog posts. If you want to know about anything, please leave a comment and tell me ~
Thank you for reading, folks~ I appreciate it. ♪
I hope your day will be lovely!
-Your May
